Day: October 24, 2010

Fall, Grief, Ancestors

According to the Taoist interpretation of the language of nature the autumn season ignites particular emotions, spiritual aspects of ourselves and is connected to the lung and colon organ systems. The colon relates to our ability to let go, it cleanses the old sludge from the body, carrying with it the emotional mindset of old beliefs that no longer serve us. The lungs hold the grief we carry. They store it until the time comes when we are ready to feel it, process it, and let it go. A spiritual aspect of this season relates to our ability to honor ourselves, spirit, and all that is in our world as sacred. This is coupled with separating the wheat from the chaff and harvesting the gifts from the previous cycle. This knowledge was integrated and embodied when both feminine and masculine energetic qualities were equally honored in all ancient cultures. It was a time when we were just of the Earth.

I have watched and followed this seasonal flow for many years and witnessed with awe the integration of the multi-dimensional weaving of these aspects of myself and my journey. Each year it takes me to a deeper layer of understanding of my vast unfolding, and each season I can feel this language expressing itself through my being.

If I hadn’t studied this ancient map I would wonder why I feel grief all of a sudden when the trees begin to let go of their leaves. I would try to hang onto the feelings I was just experiencing a short season ago and try to fix myself, attempting to carry on as before when I was frolicking in the summer. I would not be able to feel the sweetness of these emotions and honor them.

Which brings me right to the point.  When the leaves begin to fall I feel myself drop a little deeper inside myself. Every time I drop in it is obvious that I carry a deep well of grief. A grief that runs so deep and wide I can’t label it. A grief that spills beyond the boundaries of my own soul and flows into the ancestral line of my European descent. Lifetimes of both victim and perpetrator of atrocities that have plagued and crippled our Divine connection as an ancient indigenous culture. Yes, we too were an indigenous culture with a deep connection with spirit, and the sacredness of the Earth.

I feel the grief on my parents, Grandparents, their grandparents and beyond. I feel the pain of the accumulated suffering passed down through the generations without resolve and honoring of who we are and where we come from. I grieve as a I watch myself and others look to the multitude of indigenous cultures for the answers instead of reclaiming our own wisdom that was lost along the way. I grieve for the ancestors who have been shunned and ignored as we run from our deep shame simply for being part of a lineage that has lost it’s way after such a long tumultuous journey.

I grieve for the shame I carry and witness the belief that I must not embody this sought after wisdom simply because I am a white woman from a European ancestral line. I grieve the shame I carry for the blame I place upon myself from past life times that has contributed to the wounding of this ancestry. I grieve how carrying this ancestral pain has affected my life as a woman. I grieve how difficult it is to heal.

This season is about honoring. I am honoring my grief. I am embracing it, and I am allowing it to heal me as it opens my heart to compassion for myself and others. I am receiving the support from my ancestors to heal, knowing that when I heal, they heal, and the next generation can experience life without this long line of unhealed pain they are the accumulation of.

If I don’t slow down when this season arrives and allow myself to honor the grief as it arises the healing cannot take place. As I honor myself more I realize I cannot honor myself without honoring my ancestors. I chose this line of ancestors to be a part of in this lifetime. We are all counting on one another to heal this lineage. This lineage has much to grieve, much to heal, much to reclaim, and much to offer. Sharing this is a way for me to honor the grief and heavy heart I have been feeling this fall. Let go of the shame for even having grief, bring it out of the shadows, bring it into the light, and allow it to be. It is part of reclaiming myself as a valuable contribution to life.

If you can relate to this I welcome your thoughts.