c 1996, Bayla Bower, Crone

The crone eludes precise definition. Some traditions, organizations, and individuals variously define the crone as a woman who is either 50, 52, or 56, post-menopausal, consciously aging, willing to acknowledge her shadow side. Crone is a term used to describe an ancient archetype, an aspect of the triple goddess (maiden/mother/crone), and the third phase of a woman’s life. When a woman is near, in, or past menopause, she is potentially a crone. The designation refers to a perspective or point of view rather than a specific age or physical event.

A woman who calls herself crone is willing to acknowledge her age, wisdom, and power. Through conscious self-definition, she helps to reverse hundreds of years of oppression, degradation, and abuse aimed at old women. Although she may prefer to be called elder, grandmother, or wisewoman, she does not dismiss, disavow, or use pejoratively terms such as crone, witch, or hag.

The wisewoman/crone/grandmother realizes that the true meaning of these terms, and the woman-centered traditions from which they originate, have been obscured and distorted by patriarchal systems.

In ancient times, the crone was revered as an old woman who embodied wisdom and knew the truth of cyclic existence. Crones cared for the dying and were spiritual midwives at the end of life, the link in the cycle of death and rebirth. They were healers, teachers, way-showers, bearers of sacred power, knowers of mysteries, mediators between the world of spirit and the world of form. In pre-patriarchical societies, women’s wisdom held healing power, and crone wisdom was the most potent of all. For nearly thirty thousand years, old women were strong, powerful sources of wisdom. Crones were respected and honored in their communities.

Then patriarchy demanded obedience to outer authority and acceptance of linear concepts. Death became a finality, the end of the line. Because crones followed inner guidance and knew the truth of the cycle of life, they were dangerous to the hierarchy. Old women were persecuted, shunned, and denigrated. Although our forecrones resisted, persisted, and adapted in any way they could, most of our traditions have been lost. The lineage of crone teachings, herbal remedies, sacred practices, and wisewoman ways was broken when the information was burned, buried, and otherwise silenced.

Crone consciousness is on the rise today, spreading in a grassroots movement throughout America and around the globe. We are awakening the ancient crone within ourselves, and learning to trust the power of our inner knowing. We will not become invisible, trivialized, or shamed by a society obsessed with youth and terrified of aging.

We honor each person’s wisdom, and take part in dismantling the ageist, ableist, racist, classist, sexist, heterosexist, and other hierarchical structures that separate us from ourselves, our forecrones, one another, and our connection with all beings. We teach, speak, and quietly inspire one another, all women, and all peoples who wish to embrace the totality of life.

We are reviving the ancient custom of croning with ceremonies that celebrate the fullness of our evolution. We respect the crones who preceded us and pass on our wisdom to those who will follow. We tell our sacred stories one-to-one, in small and large gatherings, at conventions and meetings. We name our blessings and challenges, the truths and the treasures of our lives, sharing the harvest of our life experience. Empowered from within and strengthened by our growing numbers, we claim our place as elders in our families, communities, and groupings. We are women of age, power, and wisdom. We are honored to be known as crones.

This is an excerpt from my book, “Divine Nourishment.” It will

support you through the cold winter months. Not only with your food, but your perspective and relationship with the Dark Goddess that is supporting you to dive deep and heal what’s in the shadows. Winter is the ideal time for this work.

It is winter. She calls me. I ignore her. She tugs at me. I’m busy. She tugs harder. I resist. The sharks are out there. I’ll be devoured. I’ll drown in her churning force. I refuse. She washes the sand away from under my feet. I cling to the rocks, screaming for help. She’s pulling me in. I thrash around in the high surf, my body rigid. She throws me around like a rag doll. I tumble, crashing into the sand.  She demands that I return to her every winter. “Remember!” she cries out. I can no longer pry myself from her grip. I let go, knowing I will surely die, and I sink.

My life replays itself. Old unresolved wounds appear like a swarm of giant wasps attacking their prey. My stomach twists itself into a knot. My heart beats with the ferocity of a ninety-piece percussion band. My limbs go numb. My mind goes mad, unable to sort it out. I sink deeper. She envelops me with her rhythmic warmth. The deep blue water becomes still. She holds me. I relax, surrender to my fate.

My yearly ritual with Grandmother Ocean is as predictable as winter following autumn. I know it’s coming every year when the leaves begin to fall and the earth retreats into the depths. The element of water rules the  season.

The great goddess, Grandmother Ocean, embodies this element. She holds the story of all there is and ever was. Life would not exist without her. She flows from the heavens, through the forests, across the land, nourishing and kissing everything along the way. She circulates, becomes rain, creeks, rivers, lakes, giving life—always returning to herself. She holds the deep wisdom that is found at the depths of the still waters.

Every winter she calls, engulfing me with her embrace. I struggle. Finally, I curl up and suckle at the bosom of her infinite well of consciousness.

She cleanses my soul. She fills me with life force, gives me the will to live, teaches me to flow, rest and fill up in winter with her essence. She fuels my sexual, creative energy—the chi, life force, that animates my life. She washes away the accumulated garbage that I drag around, that keeps me from feeling alive. She drowns the demons that hold me by the throat.  She surrounds my heart. Why do I resist her every year? She embodies life—and death.

I am torn between two worlds.  In the inward stillness of this season, she reminds me of what I need to heal so I may give birth to myself in spring.  She insists that I do my part, that I confront the demons that keep me from loving all aspects of myself and block the doorway to my freedom and joy.

But sometimes all the lights and holiday celebrations seduce me.  Joining the rush of the holidays, I avoid my agreement with her and the challenging work of transformation.  But my soul pleads with me as Grandmother Ocean offers her assistance, “I remember!”

It is time to deeply nourish myself in these winter months and wash myself.  My holidays become slower-paced, more intimate with my loved ones.  I give up on trying to avoid this journey.  She insists that I surrender, rest, nourish myself and own her.

The foods I eat in this season and how I cook them play a big role in supporting me to receive her gifts. I shift my eating habits to stay connected with her. I eat more foods that grow beneath the surface, cook for a longer period of time—slow-cooking soups, long-roasted, or braised dishes. When I eat in sync with the season, it’s as if a wise woman appears along a cold, barren trail. She invites me to warm myself by a fire with a deep bed of coals, and offers me a hot bowl of soup, a loaf of bread.

All five flavors are included in my diet—salty, sour, bitter, sweet, pungent. This helps me nourish all of myself and keep my balance. Eating only a few of the selected flavors is like riding on a surfboard, balanced on one foot, leaning to the right or left. I will end up thrashing around in the winter surf.

I look for ingredients that have been grown near where I live. These foods are on the same cycle and resonate energetically with me. I don’t eat foods from the opposite hemisphere that only grow in the summer months. Summer foods float on the surface of the water while I’m swimming ninety feet below in the winter. It’s okay for me to have fewer ingredients to play with in this season. I discovered simple is not necessarily less delicious.

I make sure I have plenty of foods from the waters, such as local fish or seaweed, in my diet in the winter. They are highly nourishing to the kidneys and bladder, the organs related to winter and the water element. I don’t scrimp on foods and herbs that nourish my kidneys. They directly affect how much creative, sexual, life-force energy I have. I certainly don’t want to run out of that.

Whole grains, such as brown rice, wheat berries, and wild rice are superb for calming the nervous system, also related to winter and the water element. A calm nervous system allows a sense of awe and supports one’s ability to go with the flow, instead of floating rigid, in fear. This can definitely have an effect on my perspective as I dive into the depths.

I indulge in cups of hot teas. Schizandra Berry is common for building both the yin and yang of our kidney energy. It is important to rinse and soak these berries overnight before using them to remove toxicity that can irritate the kidneys.  Discard the water and rinse the soaked berries once again before cooking. It is also important to simmer them in a clay or glass pot. They do not mix well with metal.

Simmer a couple tablespoons of soaked berries in about four cups of water for 20-30 minutes. Strain and drink. I use these berries for two rounds of water for my tea before they are used up. Another good tea combination is Horsetail with Oatstraw. The Horsetail supports the kidneys while the Oatstraw nourishes the nervous system. This tea I steep in boiled water.

I slow down and moderate my outgoing energy so I can build my life force. I take time to reflect and enjoy long cups of hot tea or a bowl of soup with an intimate friend. I sit by the fire, let it melt the armor around my heart and get my body massaged.

Most of all, I eat some sumptuous dark, rich chocolate to remind me how grand life is. I smear this luscious, melted nectar in the faces of my demons and keep my sense of humor.

I support the winter journey by nourishing myself in this way and let Great Grandmother carry me. Without fail, she cradles me, nourishes me, cleanses me and floats me back to the surface in spring, renewed, rejuvenated and bursting with life force to fuel my new growth. Once again, I survive death.

Holiday Offering/ Black Friday Anecdote

The holidays are coming. I certainly don’t need more “stuff.” In fact, I don’t know anyone who needs more stuff. I request that if anyone wants to give me anything, I prefer it is sharing one of their gifts with me. I have many friends in my life with amazing gifts they have cultivated as a result of their life journey. Not only do I get a gift of their soul’s journey, they get an opportunity to experience themselves as they share it, and build the energy around their gifts to the world. It’s a win, win. Consider this exchange as a Christmas Holiday idea.

One of the most fun and rewarding days I have spent are days I gather the women and we have a day of nourishing ourselves with facials, food, foot rubs, etc. I create a spa day. In fact, I share a day of this nourishment I created when I was living on Maui in my book. You can read about it on my web site as one of the book excerpts. www.divinenourishment.net.  Hopefully, it will inspire you to create a day with your friends. It is one of my gifts. I love making herbal facials, moisturizers, cleansers, etc. I love creating the space for women to just hang, nourish, and share. I love creating self kindness days. I need self kindness days.

None of us need more stuff for the holidays. I don’t know anyone who couldn’t use more self kindness. So consider offering a day of self nourishment, shared with friends as a gift that will have a much more meaningful rippling effect than a “thing” bought at the store that will eventually end up in a landfill somewhere. Consider having a soul gift exchange. What do you want to offer the world? Offer it as a gift someone can purchase for their beloved. Offer it to a friend that has a soul gift of their own to give you in exchange. It takes gift exchange to another level that supports us to grow into ourselves.

For those of you who don’t live in the Asheville, NC area here is a holiday gift from me that will support you to spend some time just giving yourself some extra kindness. It is my favorite facial recipe. It is a wonderful facial that moistens your skin during the drying winter months.

Avocado, Carrot, Cream Mask

1 avocado

1 cooked carrot

1/2 cup heavy cream

1 egg

3 TBS honey

Place in a food processor and whip the ingredients into a nice smooth paste.

Spread this on you face and neck and hang out having a cup of tea. After about 15-20 minutes remove this with a warm washcloth and apply moisturizer.

For those of you who live in the Asheville area I am offering a “Day of Self Kindness” in my cozy warm mountain home on Saturday, January 8th from 10:00AM -5:00PM for food and facials. It is a day of rest, relaxation and rejuvenation. We will prepare and share a warming winter soup together. We will make and partake in food grade facials, and a beautiful rose, calendula facial moisturizer. I will show you how to make these facial products, and you will take home a jar of this nourishing facial moisturizer. If you like it and want to continue making it on your own, it will save you a ton of money. Consider giving this gift to someone you know who could use a day like this. Ask for it as a gift if you need it yourself. It is only $95.00 for the day all inclusive. We will affirm more self kindness as a new year resolution, and put it into action.

You may contact me at mary@divinenourishment.net if you are interested in this as a gift for you or a loved one.

I have an abundance of butternut squash from my garden. That and fennel bulb is offered abundantly at the local tailgate markets. Combine these beautiful fall vegetables with pungent spices and you have a perfect fall dish. I found this great recipe to share with you. I tried it and it is delicious. Enjoy!

yield: Makes 4 servings

Ingredients

1 1 1/2-pound butternut squash, peeled, halved lengthwise, seeded, halved crosswise, then cut lengthwise into 3/4-inch-wide wedges

1 fennel bulb, trimmed, cut lengthwise into 1-inch-wide wedge

1 large onion, root end left intact, then cut lengthwise into 1/2-inch-wide wedges

3 tablespoons olive oil

1 teaspoon ground cumin

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon chili powder

1/2 teaspoon turmeric

Preparation

Position rack in bottom third of oven and preheat to 450°F. Combine squash, fennel, and onion on heavy large rimmed baking sheet. Add oil and toss to coat. Mix all spices in small bowl to blend. Sprinkle spice mixture over vegetables and toss to coat. Sprinkle with salt and generous amount of pepper. Roast until vegetables are tender and browned, turning once, about 45 minutes. Transfer to shallow dish and serve.

I follow the rhythm and flow of the seasons. It has been a powerful way to acquaint myself with the Sacred Feminine in her vastness and multitude of manifestations. It supports me to see myself reflected through the eyes of nature as a mirror. Through this practice I allow myself to flow from one flavor of my vast being to another just as she flows from season to season with different energetic qualities. The less I identify with one aspect of her and allow her to come through in her many expressions the more alive my life becomes.

Recently I had a day that was an exquisite example of her flowing through me in her ability to embrace all of life. It was a major wake up call for me and one of those pivotal moments that resulted in a “yes” I can do this. I can be her. I am her!

I work as a private chef for high end clients periodically. One of my jobs took me to Maui, my former home as chef for clients from Moscow. Because it was home for years I still have close friends there. I stayed with a friend whose Mother was suffering from Alzheimer’s. I offered to help care for her while there around my job. After I arrived she went down hill and my days were split between shopping and cooking for clients who paid me to not only be professional but very creative with my food. They were on vacation celebrating life. My food as art was part of this celebration. One moment I was supporting my friend and her mother as she rapidly approached death’s door. The next I was creating meals that nourished my clients on many levels.

The doorway between the worlds swung open every day as I moved from one reality to the other. We stayed up most the night supporting this elegant woman to let go of her life with peace in her heart. The morning came when she let her life go. I was blessed to be with her in that moment. We bathed, anointed, and dressed her body. We honored her passing with a sacred ritual of the Goddess as gate keeper between the worlds.

I immediately left this sacred space to shop, go to my client’s vacation villa, prepare a meal that would dazzle them, and support their celebration of a day that made them thrilled to be alive. I never mentioned to my clients what my day was like before coming to work.

The Great Sacred Feminine offered me a day with her signature. She owns it all. The more I embrace life and death equally the more alive I feel, the more sacred my life becomes, the more I can embrace her in her entirety. It was a glorious sacred day!

Mary Lane

I did not honor the agility, unlimited energy and vibrancy of your youth until it was gone. I did not honor your beauty, sensuality and sexual aliveness of your maiden years until it was gone. I spent years in non appreciation of you, tried to fix you through artificial means, thinking it was your fault I didn’t love myself. Spent the following several years in self hatred for betraying you. Spent the next several years trying to rectify my past relationship with you through the food I have fed you, hoping in some small way this was enough. I feel your appreciation for this level of care as I approach the auspicious passage of my 60th birthday. You have overcome all my ignorance’s and continue to give me the ability to wake up every morning pain free with enough energy to do my hiking, gardening, dancing, living. However, am I truly honoring you enough?

You have selflessly walked with me through every step of my journey in this life, even though I have taken you for granted. Your resilience that has enabled me to come to this 60th year is no longer lost on me. I have traveled enough miles now to gain enough wisdom to know that the day will come when I have to say goodbye to you, my dearest friend that has stood by me no matter what. Without you I could not take this sacred journey, experience the many twists and turns, pleasures and pains that has allowed me to grow and evolve as a soul. Without you I could not experience myself as an expression of the Divine.

I honor my role as steward of your health knowing that every morsel of nourishment I offer you comes from our Beloved Divine Mother. You are made of her, you carry her wisdom, and you obviously carry her compassion. I will honor each breath you take knowing it has been given as a gift from spirit, so that I may know myself.

Instead of waiting until I have moved onto the next phase of my journey that does not include you I am choosing on this day, and every day to give you thanks and treat you as the Divine gift you are in every way. I will listen to your wisdom, honor your intelligence, offer you rest and care as you carry me to your last breath. And, I will celebrate you and never ever consider you “less than” because our time together is temporary. Instead I will cherish every moment we have together, “because,” our time together is temporary.

Your grateful best friend

Mary