It has been a quiet winter allowing myself to sink into my own depths, for my own healing. Not much to say to the outside world on my blog, facebook page, etc. I went mute as I dove deeper into the stillness.

I thought about this not so great, but noble attempt, seven layer dinner my Mother use to make when I was a kid. It came to me as I witnessed my travels this year. My top layer being the defenses I created over my lifetime that would support me to survive. This is quite a hard shell that not only doesn’t allow others to feel my vulnerability, but it doesn’t even allow me to feel it. Finding my way through that maze of constructs has been years in the making.

I drop to a deeper layer on this journey every winter. One by one the old worn out beliefs that lie beneath the outer crust of my defenses come forward. It is obvious the defense layer is to protect me from the pain and grief that is woven amongst these old beliefs.

Not only is there a collective miasm of negativity swirling around the energy field of our world that I can’t deny I’m a part of, I am dealing with an entire lineage that I am the accumulation of. Then comes my personal version from a life that reflects the bigger picture internalized.

I have seen how every one of these personal beliefs hidden in the shadows that resonate with the collective unconscious about the feminine is like a tentacle to this negative energy field, feeding it my life force. It is up to me to address each one of these old beliefs that resonate and stop feeding it. Stop feeding this monster with my unconscious beliefs that have been fed to me, my ancestors, women and men for thousands of years.

Instead of being a victim, which is like dessert to this hungry monster, my willingness and commitment to stop this feeding frenzy opens the door for the support from the ancestors. They know that if I heal this it will heal them as well. They are eager to support me to do this work from the unseen realms. Instead of blaming them for my wounding, etc, we have become a cooperative team to heal this collective miasm that affects them, myself and others.

The good news is that I, like everyone else, have been given my own small manageable bite-size piece of this very large impersonal picture to heal. Every feeding tube I remove from this negative energy mass the weaker it gets. Multiply that by all of us and it has lost its strength, power and can not survive. It survives on our life force every time we buy into a belief that resonates with its energy frequency. This is in the unconscious and is not just whisked away by a few positive affirmations. That’s like putting whipped cream on a pile of poop. It may taste good for a few bites, but eventually you are going to work your way back down to the pile of poop.

This layer of my being is where I need my torch, courage, and strength to navigate. The light I bring with me into the darkness where these old beliefs from a brokenhearted collective feminine resides is the light I carry in my heart fueled by my love, my love for myself and others. Most important, my love for myself. Yes, it’s possible to hold both love and heartbreak.

It is the realm of our being that the old fairy tales, myths, even Indiana Jones movies share that is the dangerous territory we have to travel through in order to get to the real treasures. Treasures beyond our wildest imaginations. I’m finding it’s not so dangerous after all. However, you have to admit these adventures are always exciting in the stories. it can be an exciting adventure for us as well. It’s all a matter of perspective.

She is under the defenses, under the old beliefs, under it all. She is the gold. She is the keeper of the gate for the Divine to flow through us and into our world.

Bringing the light of love as the torch to find our way through the labyrinth of our being, offering love to each part of ourself that has acted out of love to help us cope with this missing piece, thanking it, allowing it to move on with dignity and grace is a worthwhile task. You have just outgrown it like an outfit that doesn’t reflect who you are anymore. Thank and honor it after it has been in service to you for generations and lifetimes. It has supported you to grow into an incredible being that has the strength to incarnate at this time in history.

We are not light weights. We have chosen to come here, to go through the wounding that would take us on this collective journey of transformation. We would not be able to reclaim this most necessary aspect of ourselves, of our world, if we were not focusing on healing the result of her absence. No, we are not victims, we are co-creators, and we created this scenario. We have the power to travel this territory, diving deeper and bring her up out of the underworld, out of the shadows through each and every one of us. We are that powerful. And we can do it. She is waiting for each of us to recognize her within, underneath all the layers that have hidden her.

I take this journey every winter, no matter where I live as my energy goes inward. I am happy to say that this year I have traveled within to a place where I got a glimpse of her, felt her, knew her. Enough of a glimpse to give me the knowing I can go the distance, merge and experience her intimately, free from all the shackles that have kept me from her. I am learning the territory, mapping the way, gathering the tools, gaining the compassion, so that I may serve others as I support myself on this journey. I am a plant in the autumn of my life composting the old dead, dried up limbs, blossoms, fruits, implanting the wisdom garnered on my journey into my precious seeds for the next generations. It is the natural order that I am aligned with.

Join me for my “Heal, Nourish & Honor the Feminine Within” six week teleseminar course at Wise Woman University starting Tuesday, Feb 15th 8:30PM EST.

For a preview and taste of this course please join me for a free 30 minute class

Tuesday, January 25th 8:30PM EST

For more details: http://www.wisewomanuniversity.org/lane/

Here is a portion of my book, Divine Nourishment as a holiday gift. It will support you through the winter along with healing the feminine. Enjoy it, share it, use it.

http://www.divinenourishment.net/gift/Divine_Nourishment_Mini-Book_by_Mary_Lane.pdf

c 1996, Bayla Bower, Crone

The crone eludes precise definition. Some traditions, organizations, and individuals variously define the crone as a woman who is either 50, 52, or 56, post-menopausal, consciously aging, willing to acknowledge her shadow side. Crone is a term used to describe an ancient archetype, an aspect of the triple goddess (maiden/mother/crone), and the third phase of a woman’s life. When a woman is near, in, or past menopause, she is potentially a crone. The designation refers to a perspective or point of view rather than a specific age or physical event.

A woman who calls herself crone is willing to acknowledge her age, wisdom, and power. Through conscious self-definition, she helps to reverse hundreds of years of oppression, degradation, and abuse aimed at old women. Although she may prefer to be called elder, grandmother, or wisewoman, she does not dismiss, disavow, or use pejoratively terms such as crone, witch, or hag.

The wisewoman/crone/grandmother realizes that the true meaning of these terms, and the woman-centered traditions from which they originate, have been obscured and distorted by patriarchal systems.

In ancient times, the crone was revered as an old woman who embodied wisdom and knew the truth of cyclic existence. Crones cared for the dying and were spiritual midwives at the end of life, the link in the cycle of death and rebirth. They were healers, teachers, way-showers, bearers of sacred power, knowers of mysteries, mediators between the world of spirit and the world of form. In pre-patriarchical societies, women’s wisdom held healing power, and crone wisdom was the most potent of all. For nearly thirty thousand years, old women were strong, powerful sources of wisdom. Crones were respected and honored in their communities.

Then patriarchy demanded obedience to outer authority and acceptance of linear concepts. Death became a finality, the end of the line. Because crones followed inner guidance and knew the truth of the cycle of life, they were dangerous to the hierarchy. Old women were persecuted, shunned, and denigrated. Although our forecrones resisted, persisted, and adapted in any way they could, most of our traditions have been lost. The lineage of crone teachings, herbal remedies, sacred practices, and wisewoman ways was broken when the information was burned, buried, and otherwise silenced.

Crone consciousness is on the rise today, spreading in a grassroots movement throughout America and around the globe. We are awakening the ancient crone within ourselves, and learning to trust the power of our inner knowing. We will not become invisible, trivialized, or shamed by a society obsessed with youth and terrified of aging.

We honor each person’s wisdom, and take part in dismantling the ageist, ableist, racist, classist, sexist, heterosexist, and other hierarchical structures that separate us from ourselves, our forecrones, one another, and our connection with all beings. We teach, speak, and quietly inspire one another, all women, and all peoples who wish to embrace the totality of life.

We are reviving the ancient custom of croning with ceremonies that celebrate the fullness of our evolution. We respect the crones who preceded us and pass on our wisdom to those who will follow. We tell our sacred stories one-to-one, in small and large gatherings, at conventions and meetings. We name our blessings and challenges, the truths and the treasures of our lives, sharing the harvest of our life experience. Empowered from within and strengthened by our growing numbers, we claim our place as elders in our families, communities, and groupings. We are women of age, power, and wisdom. We are honored to be known as crones.

This is an excerpt from my book, “Divine Nourishment.” It will

support you through the cold winter months. Not only with your food, but your perspective and relationship with the Dark Goddess that is supporting you to dive deep and heal what’s in the shadows. Winter is the ideal time for this work.

It is winter. She calls me. I ignore her. She tugs at me. I’m busy. She tugs harder. I resist. The sharks are out there. I’ll be devoured. I’ll drown in her churning force. I refuse. She washes the sand away from under my feet. I cling to the rocks, screaming for help. She’s pulling me in. I thrash around in the high surf, my body rigid. She throws me around like a rag doll. I tumble, crashing into the sand.  She demands that I return to her every winter. “Remember!” she cries out. I can no longer pry myself from her grip. I let go, knowing I will surely die, and I sink.

My life replays itself. Old unresolved wounds appear like a swarm of giant wasps attacking their prey. My stomach twists itself into a knot. My heart beats with the ferocity of a ninety-piece percussion band. My limbs go numb. My mind goes mad, unable to sort it out. I sink deeper. She envelops me with her rhythmic warmth. The deep blue water becomes still. She holds me. I relax, surrender to my fate.

My yearly ritual with Grandmother Ocean is as predictable as winter following autumn. I know it’s coming every year when the leaves begin to fall and the earth retreats into the depths. The element of water rules the  season.

The great goddess, Grandmother Ocean, embodies this element. She holds the story of all there is and ever was. Life would not exist without her. She flows from the heavens, through the forests, across the land, nourishing and kissing everything along the way. She circulates, becomes rain, creeks, rivers, lakes, giving life—always returning to herself. She holds the deep wisdom that is found at the depths of the still waters.

Every winter she calls, engulfing me with her embrace. I struggle. Finally, I curl up and suckle at the bosom of her infinite well of consciousness.

She cleanses my soul. She fills me with life force, gives me the will to live, teaches me to flow, rest and fill up in winter with her essence. She fuels my sexual, creative energy—the chi, life force, that animates my life. She washes away the accumulated garbage that I drag around, that keeps me from feeling alive. She drowns the demons that hold me by the throat.  She surrounds my heart. Why do I resist her every year? She embodies life—and death.

I am torn between two worlds.  In the inward stillness of this season, she reminds me of what I need to heal so I may give birth to myself in spring.  She insists that I do my part, that I confront the demons that keep me from loving all aspects of myself and block the doorway to my freedom and joy.

But sometimes all the lights and holiday celebrations seduce me.  Joining the rush of the holidays, I avoid my agreement with her and the challenging work of transformation.  But my soul pleads with me as Grandmother Ocean offers her assistance, “I remember!”

It is time to deeply nourish myself in these winter months and wash myself.  My holidays become slower-paced, more intimate with my loved ones.  I give up on trying to avoid this journey.  She insists that I surrender, rest, nourish myself and own her.

The foods I eat in this season and how I cook them play a big role in supporting me to receive her gifts. I shift my eating habits to stay connected with her. I eat more foods that grow beneath the surface, cook for a longer period of time—slow-cooking soups, long-roasted, or braised dishes. When I eat in sync with the season, it’s as if a wise woman appears along a cold, barren trail. She invites me to warm myself by a fire with a deep bed of coals, and offers me a hot bowl of soup, a loaf of bread.

All five flavors are included in my diet—salty, sour, bitter, sweet, pungent. This helps me nourish all of myself and keep my balance. Eating only a few of the selected flavors is like riding on a surfboard, balanced on one foot, leaning to the right or left. I will end up thrashing around in the winter surf.

I look for ingredients that have been grown near where I live. These foods are on the same cycle and resonate energetically with me. I don’t eat foods from the opposite hemisphere that only grow in the summer months. Summer foods float on the surface of the water while I’m swimming ninety feet below in the winter. It’s okay for me to have fewer ingredients to play with in this season. I discovered simple is not necessarily less delicious.

I make sure I have plenty of foods from the waters, such as local fish or seaweed, in my diet in the winter. They are highly nourishing to the kidneys and bladder, the organs related to winter and the water element. I don’t scrimp on foods and herbs that nourish my kidneys. They directly affect how much creative, sexual, life-force energy I have. I certainly don’t want to run out of that.

Whole grains, such as brown rice, wheat berries, and wild rice are superb for calming the nervous system, also related to winter and the water element. A calm nervous system allows a sense of awe and supports one’s ability to go with the flow, instead of floating rigid, in fear. This can definitely have an effect on my perspective as I dive into the depths.

I indulge in cups of hot teas. Schizandra Berry is common for building both the yin and yang of our kidney energy. It is important to rinse and soak these berries overnight before using them to remove toxicity that can irritate the kidneys.  Discard the water and rinse the soaked berries once again before cooking. It is also important to simmer them in a clay or glass pot. They do not mix well with metal.

Simmer a couple tablespoons of soaked berries in about four cups of water for 20-30 minutes. Strain and drink. I use these berries for two rounds of water for my tea before they are used up. Another good tea combination is Horsetail with Oatstraw. The Horsetail supports the kidneys while the Oatstraw nourishes the nervous system. This tea I steep in boiled water.

I slow down and moderate my outgoing energy so I can build my life force. I take time to reflect and enjoy long cups of hot tea or a bowl of soup with an intimate friend. I sit by the fire, let it melt the armor around my heart and get my body massaged.

Most of all, I eat some sumptuous dark, rich chocolate to remind me how grand life is. I smear this luscious, melted nectar in the faces of my demons and keep my sense of humor.

I support the winter journey by nourishing myself in this way and let Great Grandmother carry me. Without fail, she cradles me, nourishes me, cleanses me and floats me back to the surface in spring, renewed, rejuvenated and bursting with life force to fuel my new growth. Once again, I survive death.

Holiday Offering/ Black Friday Anecdote

The holidays are coming. I certainly don’t need more “stuff.” In fact, I don’t know anyone who needs more stuff. I request that if anyone wants to give me anything, I prefer it is sharing one of their gifts with me. I have many friends in my life with amazing gifts they have cultivated as a result of their life journey. Not only do I get a gift of their soul’s journey, they get an opportunity to experience themselves as they share it, and build the energy around their gifts to the world. It’s a win, win. Consider this exchange as a Christmas Holiday idea.

One of the most fun and rewarding days I have spent are days I gather the women and we have a day of nourishing ourselves with facials, food, foot rubs, etc. I create a spa day. In fact, I share a day of this nourishment I created when I was living on Maui in my book. You can read about it on my web site as one of the book excerpts. www.divinenourishment.net.  Hopefully, it will inspire you to create a day with your friends. It is one of my gifts. I love making herbal facials, moisturizers, cleansers, etc. I love creating the space for women to just hang, nourish, and share. I love creating self kindness days. I need self kindness days.

None of us need more stuff for the holidays. I don’t know anyone who couldn’t use more self kindness. So consider offering a day of self nourishment, shared with friends as a gift that will have a much more meaningful rippling effect than a “thing” bought at the store that will eventually end up in a landfill somewhere. Consider having a soul gift exchange. What do you want to offer the world? Offer it as a gift someone can purchase for their beloved. Offer it to a friend that has a soul gift of their own to give you in exchange. It takes gift exchange to another level that supports us to grow into ourselves.

For those of you who don’t live in the Asheville, NC area here is a holiday gift from me that will support you to spend some time just giving yourself some extra kindness. It is my favorite facial recipe. It is a wonderful facial that moistens your skin during the drying winter months.

Avocado, Carrot, Cream Mask

1 avocado

1 cooked carrot

1/2 cup heavy cream

1 egg

3 TBS honey

Place in a food processor and whip the ingredients into a nice smooth paste.

Spread this on you face and neck and hang out having a cup of tea. After about 15-20 minutes remove this with a warm washcloth and apply moisturizer.

For those of you who live in the Asheville area I am offering a “Day of Self Kindness” in my cozy warm mountain home on Saturday, January 8th from 10:00AM -5:00PM for food and facials. It is a day of rest, relaxation and rejuvenation. We will prepare and share a warming winter soup together. We will make and partake in food grade facials, and a beautiful rose, calendula facial moisturizer. I will show you how to make these facial products, and you will take home a jar of this nourishing facial moisturizer. If you like it and want to continue making it on your own, it will save you a ton of money. Consider giving this gift to someone you know who could use a day like this. Ask for it as a gift if you need it yourself. It is only $95.00 for the day all inclusive. We will affirm more self kindness as a new year resolution, and put it into action.

You may contact me at mary@divinenourishment.net if you are interested in this as a gift for you or a loved one.

I have an abundance of butternut squash from my garden. That and fennel bulb is offered abundantly at the local tailgate markets. Combine these beautiful fall vegetables with pungent spices and you have a perfect fall dish. I found this great recipe to share with you. I tried it and it is delicious. Enjoy!

yield: Makes 4 servings

Ingredients

1 1 1/2-pound butternut squash, peeled, halved lengthwise, seeded, halved crosswise, then cut lengthwise into 3/4-inch-wide wedges

1 fennel bulb, trimmed, cut lengthwise into 1-inch-wide wedge

1 large onion, root end left intact, then cut lengthwise into 1/2-inch-wide wedges

3 tablespoons olive oil

1 teaspoon ground cumin

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon chili powder

1/2 teaspoon turmeric

Preparation

Position rack in bottom third of oven and preheat to 450°F. Combine squash, fennel, and onion on heavy large rimmed baking sheet. Add oil and toss to coat. Mix all spices in small bowl to blend. Sprinkle spice mixture over vegetables and toss to coat. Sprinkle with salt and generous amount of pepper. Roast until vegetables are tender and browned, turning once, about 45 minutes. Transfer to shallow dish and serve.